Last neutral day

Tomorrow Potsch and I will be finding out if this sweet atomic kicking/punching baby of ours in a boy or a girl. This is a strangely big huge deal to me and I can't completely tell you why. I always had it in my mind that I would wait until our official first face to face meeting to find out who this little person is but the more time we spend together and the more Potsch longs for a stronger connection the more it just makes sense to use technology and these modern times to get a 20wk ultrasound.
So today I am enjoying the last moments of this part of the mystery. The wonderment of whether there will be a penis or some day period talk. I am proud of myself for not letting my mind race off into the future where my child grows up and gets married and has a career doing such and such. I have kept myself excited for just changing a sweet stinky diaper and losing sleep for the most magical reasons.
Tomorrow, however, I hope I can hang onto that reserve. I hope I can allow the expectations and fantasies to have their fun and not stick their hooks in me too deep. And honestly, it's just a gender. Whatever we discover tomorrow will not make us paint the baby room one color over another. And who knows if that gender is who the actual baby person will want to be. Either way, we will be thrilled. Either way it will be a miracle.
Thanks for reading my ramble.
Xox
Khali, soon-to-be-mother-of-a-child